Leadership

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Confession #9: Another hard decision to make

And here I am again. But it’s not October 2017 (this post). It’s June 2021. Actually I think it was May 2021 when I sent a note to my supervisor, telling him I had to let go of something.

My husband died in April this year. When I was finally ready to return to work, I knew I needed to reassess me, and what I felt I was capable of doing.

I don’t know if any of you have lost your spouse. I didn’t know the impact that loss would have on me. The motivation that I no longer felt.

Something had to give. I thought long and hard about it. So in my note to my supervisor, I tried to explain this: I can no longer supervise my two direct reports. I don’t have it in me anymore to be a champion for them. To encourage them to continue to grow their career. To be a role model for them. To sit with them and do their annual performance appraisals. To approve their timesheets. I just don’t have it in me anymore to be a good supervisor.

And of course, my supervisor called me and during that conversation, he mentioned how it might be better after a while. It felt like he was trying to tell me to hang in there, that I’ll get over my feelings at some point and I could continue to serve as a supervisor.

I stood my ground and said no, it won’t. It won’t get better. I don’t want to supervise anyone any longer. I told him again how it’s not fair to those two admins to have a supervisor who can no longer be their champion.

He finally understood (thank you supervisor!). And he helped push my decision up the chain of command.

And when things were finally put in place, my supervisor let me know that those two admins now have a new supervisor.

Which helped me breathe a little bit better.

Knowing that I don’t have to “care” for someone else at work. That no one is dependent on me for encouragement, advice, or resources with respect to their job.

It’s not that I don’t care. I do. But at this point with my major lifestyle change . . . I don’t have it in me to take care of other adults.

I just don’t.

Sorry.

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Confession #8: What I’d love to do

The teacher in me is coming out. I keep this thought in the back of my head. Waiting for me to act on it. I want to act on it, but life keeps getting in the way.

What I’d love to do? Host some educational webinars. I would really enjoy doing that. My inspiration? To become like Melissa Esquibel. Well, to do what she does. (Melissa, if you’re reading this – you know I think you rock!)

The teacher in me wants to share knowledge with others, help others grow their skills. Whether that’s sharing MS Office how-to. Or hosting conversations on how to grow your admin career.

Getting paid like Melissa does is way, way, way down the line for me. Right now, I’d settle for doing freebies just to get my feet (more) wet in that method of knowledge-sharing.

I have written articles that have been published within my firm, and within SDA (locally and nationally), as well as in The Executary. I’ve been contributing Word Nerds to national SDA for a little while; I have at least three Nerds published so far on SDA’s blog—search on Word Nerd at SDA if you’re interested in seeing those.

With all the writing I’ve done, I feel like I should venture out educationally into another avenue—something in person (or on screen), and not so passive (writing).

I suppose I should add a sub-confession here.

Confession #8a: I don’t have my priorities set right now in order to make the Melissa leap. Heck, I don’t have my priorities set right now to even put that goal in writing. Because I know what happens when I put my goals in writing—I make sure I meet or exceed that goal.

I’m just not ready to do that right now. (Not sure if it scares me or what.)

But I’m keeping that future thought in the back of my head just the same.

Because with all that I’m contributing to others (my priorities at this time), I should also be managing my own professional growth.